Tuesday, 6 August 2013

I'm Gonna Fly Away

Everyone needs to get away from their current life, from time to time, to get a break from all the problems and negativity surrounding. Everyone needs a 'pause' in their life.

I bet everyone out there living their lives, no matter in a first world country or in a third world one, will find that they have mountain loads of problems they have to deal with. Though we may be living in probably a good home, nice house, with enough necessities to get through the day, with in fact what people would call privileges, such as a touchscreen-cellphone, access to the internet and even television,but people often neglect what's on the inside. What the person feels: stress, anxiety, depression, tiredness, dread and so on, that's where the real problem lies.

 Which leads to what I'm about to share. The biggest problems a person faces is not the condition they live in, it's not external, but it is what's happening on the inside. Let's say a person may live in poverty, barely obtaining the basic necessities of life to be able to live another day. The person may be cracking his or her head on how to lead tomorrow, and to support the welfare of his or her family but... they are not depressed. Life is everything to them.

On the other hand, another person has what other's would claim as 'everything'. From nice clothes to a nice crib to prolly even a nice car. Everything is tip top condition on the outside, but on the inside this person is depressed, stressed out, sick and tired of life, even suicidal.

So at the end of the day, sure, the other person living in poverty is conspicuously having a bigger problem than the other person who has everything you may say. But mentally, the one secretly tortured and silently suffering is, you gotta admit, the other person who has everything.

Yea now and then, some people would still comment on people like this with things like 'what an ungrateful bitch, just be happy you're alive and well'.

I don't know whether you get what I'm trying to say, but my point is, everyone has problems. Just that some people are capable of handling it better, and some people, well, just not as good. Even me.. well I do have my problems. In fact there was a certain point of my life where I had so many problems accumulating that there was not a single day where I did not end it with tears. Every night was like a flashback on the painful things that happened. It happened all the time when I was alone, when the silence becomes so painfully unbearable that memories, particularly bad ones, just randomly start to run through my mind. I walked through memory lane so often in the night, it became like a daily routine. Most nights, I wasn't even surprised anymore when I found my face drenched in hot tears.

The thing is, I always seemed like a happy-go-lucky person. I always smiled, I always laughed, no matter how stupid some people's jokes can be at times (sorry don't mean to offend anyone). But as I grew up I realised the people who looked the happiest was always the one who was closest to dying inside. When I was younger, I never expressed myself because I never saw the point of it. People tend to pretend to hear you out and in the aftermath use your problems against you.

So in my mind, I felt... why bother taking such a dumb risk? Besides, whenever you get emotional about something, someone on the side would take this delightful opportunity to bitch about you like 'eh look at her, so pathetic, like that also emo.. such an LOA (lack of attention)!'

That was when I was younger, when I thought because we were still childish and immature. But apparently, I've been sensing that even these days with people who are close to adulthood.

"Never tell your problems to anyone. 20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them."

In college when you get upset over, say, your assignment because all your groupmates couldn't give two shits on it, leaving you alone to pick up their shit and do it all by yourself, your very own groupmates would prolly start wondering 'wtf is wrong with this bitch, oversensitive much?!'.

Obviously no one would come into realisation and realise that they are the reason the other person is upset, because it's so much easier to just blame it on the other person, rather than seeing our own faults.

When I was that happy-go-lucky kid, I just wanted to make everyone happy.. I didn't mind that I was used as the joke or scapegoat or blacksheep or whatever they call it, as long as my friends were happy. I got called terrible names for my looks. And that was when I realised that as soon as I am old enough, I'd change everything. From head to toe. Not for myself, but so that I don't have to be such an eyesore to others.
Yes it was for the sake of others.

Lately, I think everything throughout the years which agglomerated inside of me is becoming like a bubble that is about to burst anytime. I know there are people out there who might feel the same with me as well...

Tired of everything, tired of keeping it in, tired of making sure everything behind that smiling face is under control. Well just wanted to let any of you feeling this way and on the verge of crumbling down, you're not alone.

Don't give up just yet, and don't stop smiling.

Life will get better, and you have to keep telling yourself that and believe it. I mean we shouldn't give up on all the good times because of all these problems. After all, what's happiness without sadness? What's life without problems to solve?

Turn your experiences and problems into an inspirational life story to others. You'd never know who's life depended on it.

Oh and I'm leaving for Philippines tomorrow! 
I'm most excited about: FLYINGGG in the aeroplane. PEW PEW PEWWW
I'll take plenty of pictures no worries.
But I hope I don't get mugged there since they said Philippines is quite prone to pick pocketing now.
Sigh. What to do. Cheapskates like me can only afford such places to travel to.
Will be gone for like 10 days. 
Then right after that I'd be rushing to Penang.
I sound like some businesswoman on a business trip lol.
So I shall just end with my face in case somebody or nobody misses me. HEH. Kidding.


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