Saturday, 6 April 2013

Respect Much?

Where do I begin? It's only 1.15pm and I'm emotionally wrecked. I feel stupid, I feel down, I feel incompetent, I feel like I'm incapable of anything.

Shit, is this some kinda hormone nonsense again.

Because the last time I checked, teenagers with hormonal instability are supposed to be between 13-18 years of age. 19 year olds shouldn't have this kinda problems right?

Well hell yea they still do.

It all started last night. The Easter Party remember?

Yup. Ok so I wasn't expecting much from it, just a good time with friends to gather and reunite again.
I didn't really feel that welcomed though.... being back in the ministry again.

The reason I quitted (ok, walked away to be exact) was because I did not feel a sense of belonging in that ministry. I always felt down, angry and basically everything I'm experiencing now whenever I was in one of the ministry's practices or meetings.

I know how in western countries respect is earned while in asian countries, respect is given till it is lost.

 Correct me if I'm wrong but think about it.

Well in this ministry I felt that I was given respect till one day the ministry's head just stripped it away from me for no reason. I did not lose the respect. I did not do anything that was worthy enough for my dignity and respect to be just thrown out of the window like that.

The ministry head just suddenly decided not to like me anymore.

As funny as it is, this is a church ministry I'm talking about.

And after that incident, all the seniors started to just treat me like I was just another part of the wall deco. Perhaps a photo frame to sum the whole wall up. I don't know.

My views were just ignored, my opinions were just trashed, my ideas were all insulted.

I did not really have any friends. Maybe handful. That's all. And even they don't come for the practices all the time.

So basically I was alone.

I did not see a point in staying anymore.

And even after last night, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. To get the hell outta there ASAP, and not being part of the system anymore.

I may be disappointed in myself for not being able to be a very good leader when I got the chance to take over, but I'm even more disappointed with the people for not giving me the opportunity to voice out and make a difference.

I was one of the videographers last night for the event and basically, I just wanted to do my best and contribute something good to the ministry, to the team. So I was videotaping the audience and trying my best to walk around while panning the whole area steadily. Then this senior appeared on my right.

He wanted to pass through.

But anyone with common sense would know not to disturb or bump in the person handling the video in case the video turns out shaky.

He still went on to squeeze pass me though he saw me. Wow. Respect much?

Have your mama never told you to respect people even if they are smaller and shorter than you?
Have your mama never told you to give instead of take so much?
Have your mama never told you that the only thing you're good at is bullshitting others into thinking you're oh-so-great?

I guess she just didn't wanna break your fragile little ego huh.

Hmmm. I pity you after thinking long about it :)
In fact, I feel sorry for myself that it took me so long just to realise it.

And to all you people who were mean to me.......

Be very very very afraid and stay away.

And I learned this the hard way but....

Hell yeaaaaa. Demand your respect and never let anyone put you down again. The next time someone pushes you around, realise it enough to give them a big hugeeee smile and ask them if they need assistance in this particular area of respect. They must've never gotten respect.

 After all, "how can you understand something that you never had" - quote Neyo :)

Cheers and have a nice day. *not encouraging the use of the middle finger though* ^^

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